Stage Matters

Ep.9 Harini Iyer - Do what feels true to you

• aravind murali • Episode 9

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Episode Description:

In this episode of "Stage Matters," Harini Iyer, a talented singer, songwriter, and musician, shares her incredible journey from a confident 10-year-old singing "Vaseegara" in her hometown to an acclaimed touring artist.

Harini opens up about the evolution of her craft and the key lessons she's learned along the way. She talks about how her training in various art forms, from Carnatic music to theater and Bharatanatyam, has shaped her unique stage persona. She also shares her practical preparation rituals, including vocal care and her personal mirror-talk that helps her ground herself before a performance.

The episode delves into the deeper, more spiritual side of performing, with Harini explaining her belief that being on stage is a service to the audience, not about seeking validation. She also offers a candid look at the financial realities of being an independent artist, revealing how she diversifies her income through teaching, acting, and session singing to sustain her passion for music.

Join the conversation as Harini shares her insights on the importance of aesthetics, the power of improvisation, and her compelling approach to a career in music.


My guest today is a singer, songwriter, music teacher, actor and model who's currently touring with her at Tamil Jazz Collective. Here's my chat with Harini Iyer. Hi Harini, welcome to Stage Matters. 

Hello, thank you for inviting me. And congratulations on the Tamil Jazz Collective. Thank you, thank you. 

Hearing a lot of things. Yes, it's been good. This year is good. 

So how did you first become a performer? What drew you into performance? Hmm, good question. Bombay Jai Shree more or less influenced me to become a performer. Okay. 

And so when Vasigara released, I must have been 10. And this release happened around a time when I was in my mom's hometown in Tirunelveli and for summer holidays. So I would just keep singing this song non-stop because I loved Vasigara and I think that's when I found out that this is something in my vocal range because I'm also an alto singer. 

And the song felt easy to sing, beautiful to sing. I didn't think all that up. Now in hindsight, I'm thinking all this. 

But yeah, I would just stand at the tinne, right? Like in that agraharam space. And whoever walked by, I would call them and be like, you want to hear me sing? And I would sing for them. Yeah, I love that confidence. 

I don't know where it went away. Now I think post all this education and adulting and all that, you become so conscious. But back then it was a pure feeling of I want to sing and I want people to listen to me. 

That's all. So and then people called me, my uncle used to call me Vasigara Harini. Okay. 

Because that's how much I kept singing. So I guess that's what started it. Was there like a like a pivotal concert that you watched of somebody which you said, wow, and I want to do this? Oh, good question. 

So surprisingly, even though I'm into music now, I never went for concerts until I don't even know what's my first concert. Wow, I should be ready with this question. I have no idea what my first concert is. 

Pivotal concert. Need not be a first. I mean, right now, this is on my mind, because I just did a listening session for Napalm's album Needlepaw in Bangalore at Ram's Music. 

So Napalm is a huge influence. So she's an Australian singer, songwriter, front woman of the 

band Hiatus Coyote. And more or less, they've shaped a lot of things that I do. 

A lot of my vocal technique is also influenced by Napalm. I also love how free they are. So I caught her concert in 2017. 

It was a solo show of the album Needlepaw. And that definitely moved me a lot. And that was at Brighton Hall in Boston. 

And around the same time, I also watched Moonchild, this band called Moonchild perform. And wow, I was moved by them as well. Moonchild is such a lovely act to watch live. 

They're very small band and not that popular yet, I would say. Not here at least. They're quite popular in America. 

But yeah, Moonchild, I think, was an amazing experience. So were you nervous when you did your first stage performance? I don't remember. Because Vasigraha is my first stage performance. 

And I was not at all nervous. Let's talk. Let's say a formal stage. 

Yeah. But apart from that, so my early experiences have been not a Sabha culture. But I mean, I'm trained in Carnatic music. 

So I grew up on that. I've never done like a proper Arangetram of sorts. But my mum is into Kadhe Kaalakshepam and Sangeetopanyasam. 

I know different worlds altogether. So I would sing with her for her rather. So she'll say stories of like Bhagavatam stories. 

And then I would sing songs that she's picked for each of these stories. So I grew up doing that for almost 10 years. So I would just sing with my mum. 

And I remember like I was nervous at this place Tirupati Tirumala Devastanam in T Nagar. Venkat Narayana Road. That performance, I was a bit nervous because my party teacher also came to watch. 

So I learned under Akhila Shivamami, Vijay Shiva's mother. And so, yeah, I think that I remember being a little nervous because by that time, music mattered to me and my teacher mattered to me. Till then, I hated music. 

I hated Carnatic music. I hated the way I was taught. I think I was also moving around quite a lot. 

So I almost had 10 different gurus. So that's not fun. So I think one prominent place where I felt nervous was TTD because that was an important concert as well for both for my mum and because I was singing with her. 

So yeah. So has your understanding of performing changed from when you started to now? How has it changed? Wow. Deep question. 

There's a lot of them. Don't worry. How has the 100% it's changed a lot because in one way, there is safety in that kind of performance because I was sitting down on the floor in a way that's a lot more grounded. 

So I have felt less nervous, I guess, even though I did feel nervous at that time. Singing in temples, I've sang in a few temples as well. So but all that is a very different experience altogether. 

And when I moved to America and even before that, when I was in Bangalore is when I started singing at open mics. So those are my first experiences. And of course, I was nervous because back then it wasn't I wasn't doing music full time. 

I just enjoyed singing. So I would sing Adele's Rolling in the Deep like a broken record over and over again for I think I still do. Because even though I'm a singer, I am horrible with lyrics. 

I can't remember my own songs lyrics also. Somebody else have will have to tell me sometimes. So I don't understand why. 

But somehow lyrics never stayed with me. I have to learn it a hundred times and and yet I'll forget. So somehow Adele's Rolling in the Deep is a song that I remember the lyrics for. 

So I just keep singing it everywhere. And first time I don't remember somewhere in Bangalore at an open mic, I sang and was nervous as hell. Also, I noticed, I mean, when you think about you, you asked me if things have changed. 

So if I have to think technically, like if I've like all the things I've thought about, I've noticed that movement around the stage helps with expending that nervous energy. So I've learned to purposely move around. And that's all that also comes from a little bit of theatre background. 

This was taught when I was doing theatre with Little Theatre and Rumour Mills in 22. I was a little into that. So dabbling with a few shows. 

And that's when I learned that it's also important to capture the audience's attention by moving around a little. And it also helps with your own stance. So I think that's a very important essence of being a performer. 

So does this help you? You've been trained in multiple disciplines of performing, like theatre and you're an actor. Yeah, I feel like I'm even starting to understand my own purpose of why I'm on stage, because sometimes we all go through this, right? Like we are trained in a bunch of different things. We may not take it up professionally. 

Similarly, I have done a lot of different disciplines of art. Like I'm a dancer. I'm a Bharatanatyam dancer. 

I'm trained in a little bit of hip hop, free form. And I feel like now I bring all of that to stage. I feel like music to me now has started being a sort of mix of visual art, movement, storytelling and the music itself. 

So I think it's very interesting how I've started seeing all of this. For example, I saw someone sitting down when someone's soloing and I find that very enduring. I feel like you kind of allow that space for someone to shine, especially a bass player, because when you're soloing, I mean, if someone's in the back, it's hard to see and people don't get to see that. 

In general, a lot of musicians are also shy and don't take up that space. I feel like as a singer or a front woman or a front man, you tend to take up that space. You learn how to. 

I'm learning how to also. I naturally do take space, but I also have noticed I can do so much more. But I've learned how to also give space, which is a very interesting thing I've been working out lately. 

So yeah, also stop me at any time. I digress a lot. No, no. 

This is your stage. Can you take me through a preparation process for if you have a show coming up, say like short, like tomorrow or even a week? Okay, so depends. So usually I do prepare before shows. 

I don't do shows like two last minute. Oh, wait, you're asking me if I have a show tomorrow? What do I do the previous day? Okay, got it. My bad. 

So in terms of being a vocalist, I make sure like a week in advance itself, I start like having a little more water because hydration is quite key and it's not like a last minute thing. You have to sort of hydrate for a while. In general, someone who's very well organised will probably be hydrated at all times. 

But I suffer because I'm a coffee addict and coffee is dehydrating. So I know that imbalance and I make sure that I compensate for it. So I have less coffee a week in advance. 

And then like instead of two, three cups, I'll have just one. And then I reduce my dairy content or don't have dairy at all. So that usually makes your voice phlegmy. 

So like small things like this hydration is key. I have like a few different ways of warming up my voice. So I have certain like straw techniques, etc, which I will do a lot more often. 

And then the previous day, I mean, I just like to make sure that I'm prepared. The technical aspect is done, which is like learning a song or whatever. And knowing the lyrics or whatever the beginning and ending is supposed to be, etc. 

And once that is out of the way, then I think it's a lot of mental preparation. I kind of also try to ground myself with meditation. That's quite important to me. 

I do a lot of breathwork. Again, breathwork is key in singing. And sometimes you end up not focussing on that. 

So I make it a point to do a lot more of that. And on the day of the performance, nothing much, just making sure that I'm, again, well hydrated in a good space. I like to mostly be alone before I go on stage, because it's easy for me to get triggered by outside things that can trigger someone. 

So I try to stay in the moment. So I have a bunch of different practises to bring me back to the moment, which is quite important to me. And there's a very beautiful post I came across by this vocal coach, Eric Arseneau. 

And he talks about how being on stage is actually not for you, but it is for the audience. They have come there to feel something. So you have to stop making it about you. 

So you're there to serve them. And so it's not about how you feel. It's not about, I mean, it's not just about how you feel and how you connect with the audience, but it's about how they connect with you. 

So you take the sort of, what do you call, you take the... Pressure. Pressure, but also like the, I'm forgetting the word, pressure makes it sound negative. Not just pressure, but like... Responsibility. 

Responsibility also is not, it's like you give the responsibility away to the other person. No, the onus, the onus is the word I was looking for. So you take it away from you and it's on the people and you're there to serve them. 

So you have to make sure that your cup is full. You don't go there to feel something from that. You go there to sort of give them something. 

So I have noticed that it's a very beautiful and important responsibility. And the more and more I understand that, value that, I tend to be a better performer. Because it's so much more than us. 

Then it naturally takes the pressure off of you. It's not about, am I playing the right note? Am I singing the right thing? No, no, no. It's about like the whole umbrella of things. 

You can't allow yourself to think about all this while you're on stage. Which is a very important lesson. I've learned over the years. 

Because especially education does that to you. You sometimes fixate too much on the technique and not enough on the emotion. And so, yeah, that's one thing I always tell people who study music. 

There's nothing wrong with it. Just make sure you don't forget that you got into it because it brought you joy. What do you look for in a soundcheck? That's a great question. 

What do I look for in a soundcheck? What is your process? Sometimes you get like, if it's my own show, I like to have at least an hour-long soundcheck. So that everyone feels comfortable, especially when drums are involved. I want to make sure that our drummer is feeling very comfortable. 

Usually that's the trickiest to nail. So a lot more time there. And I try to make sure we get to at least sing the softest songs and the loudest parts, etc. 

Perform together. I like to make sure that every artist on board has at least 5-10 minutes to see whether everything is working properly for them. And personally, for me, it doesn't take too much. 

Because mostly I work with SM58 in most occasions. Otherwise, a wireless mic. Then when there's a wireless mic, I like to go outside and see how I sound. 

Because it takes a while. I'm not a fan of in-ears. But I also feel that's such a good way to simulate a sound. 

But part of me is always conscious and curious about, Okay, I've made a sound here, but how do I sound outside? I want to know that. So with wireless mics, I get to also go outside and then perform a few different songs to see whether we like it. What do I want? Basically, I want a sound engineer who is very quick to manoeuvre through things so that the basic things like your PA doesn't blast off or feedback. 

Obviously, it's awesome when there are sound engineers who immediately see that your vocal mic can get feedback. So they immediately figure out what can happen, which frequency can bring about a feedback. So they already sort that out very quickly. 

I love it when that happens. But I also studied and also I teach how to work with a PA system for singers. Because a lot of singers who start off are scared of mics and monitors and this thing. 

They sing like this. They're like, I shouldn't put... Also, shall I talk in Tamil? Is that okay? You can if some Tamil comes out. So it's like, if I point my hand by mistake, it's going to be so bad. 

This is a very interesting thing for me to teach students now. And also, I was very scared of that when I was starting out. So I have a class where we actually bring out all the possible feedback you can get from monitors and PAs and everything. 

So we have a jam room. This is at Swarna Bhoomi when I teach vocal technique. So we have a dedicated class where we just go point mics at every possible monitor and PA, which I like doing. 

So yeah, these are probably the things I do at Soundcheck. Nice. How much of a balance do you have between rehearsing and improvisation? How important is rehearsal? We're sort of 

workshopping all of that with TJC right now. 

I feel like knowing your beginning and ending is very important. Especially if you've not jammed enough, then it's better to sort of have a very structured beginning and ending. Or even with the form being like, okay, this is what the form is. 

Because some versions of it will be just AAB, some will be AABA. So are we following the same Ideal Pro tab is very important. I've noticed because sometimes people are using two different versions of it. 

You're improvising and then one person is in one part of the form and the other person. And then you're like, yo, let's this is jazz. So I feel just it's a lot more easier when everyone is on the same page about the form. 

Literally the same pages. That's a good one. Literally the same page. 

But otherwise, yeah. Lately, what we've done, especially because with TJC, we're always bringing on a few new members. So we have a nice rule where it's like, keep on either vamping till like, say I give a cue or the other person gives a cue and then go into a section. 

So we give, we all have practise to give a very strong cue as to when we're moving into a next section. So then there is room for you do whatever you want till you move to the next section and you cue like understand the sections and then just keep cuing, which has been really nice. I feel like slowly then you're also in a slightly uncomfortable position, which you ought to be. 

I think you have to be on that edge. Otherwise, you don't come up with interesting things. But then we're also making sure we allow a lot of space for mistakes because that is bound to happen. 

And like, not let anyone feel like, so rather just be like, okay, own it, learn from it. And then just do whatever the f**k you want. I was going to ask you this question, but you answered it. 

Okay, that's nice. So do you think there's anything above skill and technique? Hundred percent. Maybe even like spiritual? Hundred percent. 

Okay. I mean, unless and you can call it whatever you want, spirituality, universe, giving you a sign or you feeling euphoric or something making you cry, even like whatever. Like, I mean, these are just different words for the same thing. 

Hundred percent. I feel like I value myself as a performer only when there is a spiritual angle for it. And that's probably just me. 

For me, it's very important. And I have, I don't know if I should tell, reveal people of my one ritual. These are all important for me. 

So this is something that my professor, teacher, mentor from Berkeley Indian Ensemble, 

Annette She told me once because and yeah, so I remember feeling quite lost around the last semester of my at Berkeley. And I kind of lost the purpose of why I'm doing what I'm doing, because it's a very classic example of you focussing so much on education that you lost the joy in doing what you're doing, burning out, not knowing when you're burning out and then pushing through that, hustling, etc. So I lost all purpose of why I'm doing music at one point. 

I didn't want to do music anymore. So her thing for me was whenever I went on stage, she wanted me to have a ritual of going in front of the mirror. And I mean, this is not her. 

I'm paraphrasing her and I added my own thing. So she said to remove the pressure from you and make it's not about you. It's about the craft. 

So craft is above you. And that's why especially we all tend to fixate on mistakes and what we didn't do, what we didn't. All this has to be done in the pre-preparation phase so that you don't think about all that. 

You're just thinking about serving. For me, this is service. And that's where spirituality comes in because spirituality is service. 

You're serving and surrendering to either God or the people or whoever it is and whatever it is that you believe in nature in many ways. So she said, look at yourself as a vessel. You're a vessel that is just pouring out this message that you're just basically regurgitating or you're used as a container for the message to be passed on. 

That's all. You're a container and you're not the God. It's very important to remember that. 

And so this is something she said, and I kind of took that and in my own ways, I just go in front of the mirror and I'm like, fuck you. It's not about you. Stop making it about you. 

Stop seeking that attention. And you are just the vessel. So I like to remind myself of that. 

I like to be a bit more aggressive because I tend to, I have to say that to myself. And the minute I've done this, look yourself in the eye. And it's a very weird thing to talk to yourself in front of the mirror. 

But I do that every time before I go on stage. And I try to keep it a little to myself. Other people are going to think it's so cuckoo. 

And it's happened. Some audience members have gone to the bathroom and then found me being like saying all this and gassing myself up and being like, it's not you. It's the craft. 

It's above you. And I do all that. And I've owned it now.
 I do this. This is what helps me then bring my best self forward. This is great.
 What you just talked about audience. What role does the audience play for you? And what do 

you think is your responsibility to them? And do they have a responsibility to you? I used to think they had a responsibility to me. I felt like they owed me claps. 

They owed me attention. They owed me a lot of things. But just as life goes, you realise that life doesn't circle around you. 

It's a good and a bad realisation. And some days I feel like, no, I don't see it as they have a responsibility towards me. No. 

Like I said, especially like how Eric Arsino says, I sort of believe in that. I see myself as someone who is there to bring a change for you. It's like, imagine, I mean, there's a funny analogy. 

Imagine like, you know, you're a child and then imagine the audience as a child. And then you're the parent, but then you're a narcissistic parent who is like, instead of giving the child the attention, you're like, oh, give me the attention. Stop being the child, you know, sort of a situation. 

It's a weird analogy, but I see it that way. I'm like, you are here for something and I want to make sure that I'm able to serve that to you. So that's my responsibility. 

And that's why even if it's just two people and like 100 people, whatever the audience and whether it's low energy or high, I always try to gas myself up in front of the mirror and bring my best self forward so that I don't expect them to give me something I am there to provide. Having said that, though, when there is a reciprocative audience, oh, what a beautiful, that's what communication is, right? Then both sides are communicating and you're heard, they are heard and there's something magical about that. So I love it when there is more vibing and interaction, but I also feel like there is more responsibility on my end than the other person's end. 

Yeah. Great. What does stage persona and appearances mean to you? How do you, what do you think of it? I feel like I keep changing. 

My idea of stage persona also changes quite a bit. Are you like the same person on stage that you are off stage? Yes and no. I am a lot more confident on stage. 

I kind of, over the years, my relationship with stage has changed so much that, like I said, I think it also comes from a place of I'm here to provide. So I kind of want to always be in a position where, but it's not even forced, it comes naturally. So I'm quite confident and whereas off stage, I can be quite all over the place and even fickle minded and I've learned to accept all these sides of me. 

So, but on stage, I feel like I turn into somebody else for sure. I love my own stage persona. I feel very proud of that side of me. 

I like it and I'm liking it more and more because I feel in the last year and a half, I have been 

spending a lot of time trying to understand how I want to represent myself. I earlier, I never cared about aesthetics, etc. Because I was in this phase of, why are like, it's a weird, funny phase, which is like, why are men not seen as someone who should dress up for this thing? So I will also not do that. 

So in 2019 and all, I would like purposely go like one pichakari and be like, accept me the way I am. Because, you know, why should the woman always take that extra thing? And why are we eye candies, you know, etc. So I went to one full-on zone of, I will not dress up, I'll wear like only clothes that I would wear otherwise at home, etc. 

Then I realised that I was sort of selling myself short because I think I was trying to project a side of me that wasn't there. I wanted to, you know, specifically dress up for something. I like dressing up. 

So I was like, why not? The ecosystem is bad, but

You know, you're trying to change it by forcefully doing something. So maybe not. Let's let's now focus on Thinking about getting everyone to dress up So I think it's important it is important very much important Because I wouldn't have like even you not dressing up as a statement you're making so at any point whatever you do or don't is Action so I was like might as well do something Productive interesting like I like again. 

I go back to napalm because recently, you know, I've done a lot of research for it but like she talks about how so she she got a scar from a crow that she raised like and She then turned it into a tattoo and her statement was let's Question Western standards of beauty. I Look like I've put together lots of random things and that's a statement and that's beautiful. Like it says something for our first debut Tamizh jazz collective performance at Nisargha, I curated the whole experience and it worked and now people it looks Beautiful visually the place was beautiful and a friend of mine Soumya who runs this eco-friendly a Clothing company called hibiscus heroes. 

She sort of designed our clothes Keeping in mind that it's a performance in Kerala and eco prints So I loved it And now again when you start thinking about the responsibility you can work with so many homegrown brands If that's your agenda, which is mine now so like working with many homegrown brands and then collaborating cross promoting and You're bringing to attention your own work and theirs and then it helps build a vision So I definitely think aesthetics is very important, but right now I'm just exploring so there's a lot more to do I feel Yeah, but I'm trying. Yeah, I'm having fun What is your expectation of a promoter or an organiser? Wow, that's such a good question Wow Promoter or an organiser like because they're also sometimes different like, okay Assume they're the same. Okay promoter an organiser person who's giving you the job. 

Okay I Don't know if this is a valid because I'm still trying to understand whether this is a valid thing to ask for Please make a good poster Do more social media stuff no just because Like I feel like when it's a revenue split. I've noticed a lot of places don't Promote anymore. They expect artists to do that We already have enough and more if you do it, no, please just like some posts here and there Come on, you can just have some volunteer even do it Think about cool things you can do this I feel like yeah, I feel like the promoters and organisers should Focus a lot on promoting. 

I mean their job is to promote so you promote don't make us promote we don't like I Think it's Aurora's This artist Aurora. She she was on stage. I think I saw a random post. 

She's like Introverts should not be on stage It's like, you know We shouldn't be doing this and and then she's like stammering a bit and she's like, yeah It just makes no sense for us to be 

doing this, but then we're doing it. So Yeah artists Suffer a lot to even find their own personalities and you're constantly Projecting a different self So when that happens it gets tiring so then there's no space to go create openly so I Wish it wasn't a thing where you become a great big artist and then people do things for you instead I wish all artists were treated equally and then there's like some basic Setup of okay, no matter how big or small the artist is we are going to promote we are going to do this You know sort of a thing I would love that if the promoters and organisers could take care of that that you know and not expect the artists to do it Would be you said artists suffer a lot. I want to talk about money We all know how it is how difficult it is for performers to make a Sustainable living right. 

So how how have you worked it out how I'm still working it out. But I think I'm at the cusp of cracking it According cracking it as into Exactly so I Wow, this is this might turn out to be slightly a longer conversation. I do want to talk about all of these things Yeah, it is quite important. 

I feel like as And this might be slightly contrary to what I just finished saying which is Artists should not be expected to do so much Having said that the current ecosystem in the current ecosystem, especially independent music. You have to do multiple things You just have to do multiple things you either one out of two things one is and this is something I used to do and I know a lot of artists who do which is you have a secondary career right like that is completely different from music and Sometimes it's in the IT sector finance and you're like what and it's so cool actually I love to see like a banker suddenly like, you know becoming a DJ at night sort of thing so if you're able to manage that that's great because you have sustainable income coming in and then you are pouring that into your music and my initial years were possible and Only because I was working as a business analyst. I was earning great money Sometimes I really missed that life because consistent money living in America and I would just blow up all that money over the weekends like fancy restaurants There's that so I don't get to do all that that often now, but I of course love my life way better It's more wholesome. 

But point being I could take in money from there and then pour it into like creating music videos I could pay artists that I was collaborating with and I could make Content is sadly everything right now and like well well developed and Aesthetically pleasing content and great sound is all important. So money for that is important like and you you'll have to see yourself as a company and Brand that you're yourself investing in so you need to believe in it and then do this and So that is one thing I feel like but then I got burned out because I didn't enjoy my job anymore So I quit and now what I do is within music. I have multiple avenues of making money so I'm a session singer and I also sing jingles and both in India America Paris and I mean Middle East etc. 

So all over the world. I Yeah, it's online. Exactly. 

Everything is online. So but then there is obviously better pay when It is abroad then for example, and this is a recent thing. I did this three days back And I will advise every artist to 

look into it Splice splice is so amazing. 

And like you I I still haven't figured out a way to make these splice packages, but then there are like South Asian splice packages or beads and specific things and a friend and collaborator of mine She was working on these packages and she just got on a call with me for an hour and she was like, hey Can you help me with some Tamil based? You know package help audio sounds and I did that and then and then she paid me like a couple couple of What couple of hundred Dollars, so I feel like that is one way of doing it session singing is something I do my main fallback and consistent money making thing is teaching I'm I've been teaching for like five years now and Confidently say I enjoy it. I love it. I'm good at it But at the same time I get burnt out right because when you teach it's hard to yeah, then do your thing So this is where I've note and apart from this. 

I also act so I act in ads Fortunately and unfortunately ads make give make me the most money. Yeah, and And I feel like it's a great way to get into it And I think we all need to get really good at plugging ourselves. I think we forget to do that. 

Then I also do Corporate and commercial and wedding gigs as well again. They pay really well compared to indie gigs So that's how I make my money. I'm currently looking into voiceovers. 

I'm interested. I want to do dubbing work and also maybe audio books and Meditation tracks like voiceovers for that etc. So these are things I'm interested in exploring These will obviously give you better avenues to make money I read this book by written by Vasundhara V. I forget what the book is called. 

I'll have to look it up maybe I can send you and you can But then it's but it's about how to Be an artist and a manager and how to do these multiple avenues of making money So, yeah when I do this I have the freedom to decide that okay I've been teaching for too long. Let me take a break. So And so I figured out a way and I'm currently workshopping my life in a way where one semester of the year I teach at Swarna Bhoomi or I focus on teaching three to four months of constant only teaching and And upskilling myself because I also upskill a lot when I'm teaching then like, you know a part of the year is goes into writing music and Then towards the end. 

I want to make sure that end of the year like gig more Programme more and do stuff So I think this is what my plan is and it's worked well because I this is my priority While acting is sort of my secondary career. So because it's secondary career, it doesn't give me anxiety So I can take rejections. I don't care about it. 

And I have also learned what a beautiful attitude that is like when I'm When I'm in the acting zone Nothing perturbs me as much whereas when it comes to music a slightest of rejection gets to me So I'm learning to be in that mental space when it comes to music so that I can keep like pushing ahead Like, you know not take anything that seriously. So yeah, these are the things I do and This idea also came from this the author of Sapiens Yuval Harari. Yeah, so he is into he does a lot of Vipashana Hmm, I have done it a couple of times and now the more you do 

it you can do like Vipashana for longer days So he's done the 21 day Vipashana and like I don't know if he's I think he's also done the three-month one So he segregates his life this way he has to have his self solo time so he does Vipashana for say 21 days or like a little more and then he writes because you gain so much from that silence and Decluttering he writes for like another three four months and then the rest of the year he spends with his family So like focussing on the family. 

Oh, yeah, that's my model right now I'm almost there not there yet though. It sounds great. Do we ever get there? Yeah, it's it's hard like it's it's hard like to get consistent work. 

No, like how do you even yeah, but we will you were talking about like rejection and Dejection like how do you deal with like personal challenges? mental challenges How do you are you able to block them out and when you're at a show? Personal issues Yeah, somehow when I'm on stage Yes, I am able to I think I think I've worked a lot on being in the moment So I've it's a muscle memory to be honest We sometimes treat it like it's a thing where only some people can do it. That's so not true I think the more and more and more you work on being present you can be present So yeah certain like I said certain rituals to like ground me and then focus more on what is important I do that and then on stage. I'm able to Sometimes Sometimes the gig but but then again, I'm a very different person now But like let's say two three years back I if if the gig was like not what you expected like I I won't take names and all but I did some gig Commercial gig so it doesn't matter but then I think the venue forgot to get the blanket licence for a like a predominant set of the songs that I was supposed to sing covers covers, yeah and because of which I couldn't sing the songs that I actually wanted to sing and I ended up singing just like a very Very few songs. 

So I guess the ego Egotistical side of me was like what the hell I'm a singer. I didn't get to sing and Then I was in a bad mood and Some things didn't work out and I get a bit triggered when Now I don't as much but I get a bit triggered when someone's like what dress up a certain way I don't want to be told that and commercial gigs. It's a bit tricky to manoeuvre that right? So I think there was some miscommunication and they didn't like the way I was dressed So I got pissed and then part of me came to difference was like who are you to tell me what to do? You know sort of a thing. 

So all that gets to me So I know I did a bad job that day because I would just wasn't energetic But I've also learned that that's bad behaviour like in the sense not forget them on your end as a performer Like for according to my standard etc. Now, I feel like I won't do that anymore again setting expectations, right? Not having expectations from a commercial gig The same way you would with an indie game like because an indie gig is your baby like it's your life so I am very very territorial there and a lot more like Aggressive and like almost like a lioness if I would but then I've learned to just like shut the fuck up Just do the job and come back like, you know, like a lot of Artists do and I think that's where I learned like just This whole singer being because you are also sort of the face of the whole thing, right? So people do look at look at you for like are you dressed a certain way and especially like I said commercial setting So I do the 

most basic things. I still in my own way. 

I want to say fuck you. So I won't won't like Like do exactly what they're asking for like I'll I'll do my hair the way I want and not like when they say make it Presentable straight or something. Do they ask that? Yeah, sometimes they do they have a preference They're like it shouldn't be unruly. 

It needs to be I'm like why you do tell me this I will come with unruly hair. So I have my own ways on good days and bad days. It depends So otherwise I do the most basic thing. 

I look presentable and clean. That's all that's all you get You don't get to dictate anything more So that sometimes is a challenge, but I've noticed that it's getting lesser and lesser. So it's not that big a deal. 

What are the specific challenges of being a female artist Problems that you face. I think this is one very important thing. Yeah being considered the eye candy and for example, I kind of had to like manoeuvre these things even with Tamil jazz collective a lot of people think that I'm a singer for Tamil jazz collective. 

Nobody gets it that I started it and it's my baby and Now that's what I've become very aggressive about it. I let people know here. I'm like, hey, I'm the founder of this. 

This is mine and And then Like for some meetings like I went met somebody like it's and they were like, oh, so are you the singer of some? I just clicked I'm like no I found it. It's like oh, you're a co-founder of it Wait, so but who runs it? I'm like, hello me. Do you want me to look like a man? So that Is that what you want? So I think so that happens quite a bit Which it's getting easier now though, like the more and more I think again, it's a thing of the ecosystem Yeah, and nothing more like, you know, people are just used to that. 

So they expect that so we're just here to change it But that's one of the main challenges then I Know sometimes It's it's a funny thing. Like I part of me doesn't want to be like I'll carry some things and people be like, no No, no, don't get it. I work out I can carry stuff, you know, so I'm not that delicate sort of thing That's one side of it. 

But mostly I guess that's all otherwise. It's it's been fine some sometimes safety issues But again, I have amazing people and around me and I'm constantly feeling comfortable. So Yeah, nothing more than that. 

Okay, great Let's talk about external stimulants Like, you know arts and any kind of art there are stories of alcohol, alcohol drugs various things artists Going on stage totally smashed and yeah, what is your opinion? What is your relationship with these things? No, I I don't like that at all. Neither me nor anyone in my team. I would not prefer anybody to be influenced by substance because I Feel like a lot of people feel they can't play well or Be their best selves without being influenced by Substance, which is so sad to think because honestly, it's not the substance. 

It's you it's in you. Otherwise, it won't be there so if somebody is able to cultivate a practise to sort of work on bringing their best selves without other Influences, I think that's that shows so much more about your artistry and I respect people who do that And I mean, I don't have a problem with anyone Whatever they do apart like when you show up for rehearsal when you show up for Shows, I would prefer you to be in a sane space What's the unique aspect of live performance that you cannot recreate in a recorded medium? That's a great question There is a certain high when you're on stage at least for me. I love being on stage and Way and like when you think about I love studios now, but I used to be a little I Felt like I could hear too much of myself or like you're very quick It's easy to be critical right you get to hear yourself play or sing in in a very very intimate capacity So well, then on stage you don't have all these You don't scrutinise yourself to this extent so I feel like sometimes there are magical moments where Some it's it's almost like a new quirk that comes in you you it's it's almost like you look back and you're like, oh I didn't know I had this in me sort of a thing. 

I feel like each live performance I can't find something new in me when I have recorded it that is and especially with DJ see with all the I feel especially in improvisation. I feel you you get to do a lot of amazing things, but also a lot of shit things both come up with life What do you think is a row going going forward? What's the role of like human performance considering that half the things we are watching on the phone movies? We are watching on the phone We're having AI coming and replacing singers and right. Yeah, so if you think this this has special value Hon, I think the only way I can say there is special value and this is where the spirituality comes in and energy So I feel like there is something so magical with like a physical exchange of energy is which no way I can replace so I like AI of course in some ways, but fuck you AI. 

No, you can't replace me I am I am Harini. You can sound like me but and maybe people will believe Sadly it's doing a very good job of Replicating but yeah, you can't have a life performance. Hmm. 

Like yeah, you can I don't know. Maybe you'll create like a robot And that's just too much work. Why do you want to do that when you know, I'm there. 

Yeah, but you think like AI can Be used to as a tool In a performance not of course in composing and all that's already there. Yeah in in a live performance I think so Maybe I don't know. I don't know if people are already doing this Is there like live mixing AI mixing tools if there is then that will be great in some ways But also, I don't know. 

I'm my I'm also like I'm just pro Certain aspects of AI it's it's interesting It's we also want to go with the flow and see what something can bring but I don't think I would I don't think I'm there yet to Get AI to be a part of anything live yet Like I don't know if I will even if let's say there is like ways to you know Make your sound perfect within like a snap of a second. I think it's nice to tinker away with the sound engineer like Give me some more highs some more, you know cut the lows or something whatever it's it's there is beauty in that and there's beauty in Imperfection, I still like Like it when there is imperfection and whatever I do. So I enjoy And I 

enjoy things that are not very symmetrical. 

So but that's my personality Yeah, so not yet, I guess but maybe who knows. Oh, I Do love and I want to explore things like Mimu gloves that Imogen Heap is using So in that aspect, ooh, it would be very interesting to like programme things with AI and I don't know yeah, maybe I'll be down with it if I Start getting into this kind of music. So who knows? Yeah, wonderful. 

Let's coexist How do you define success or failure in a performance? Success or failure Honestly, it's a feeling for me. It's a feeling not so much for people I work with necessarily because again, that's that's where I think the thing of Playing the right notes, etc comes into place, right? Like I feel I don't care if I've sang something wrong or made a lot of mistakes But if I've managed to connect with the audience and the audience like feels euphoric and exhilarated then my job is done then I don't focus so much on I made these mistakes or this that because it's so much more above That answer and most often than not all the mistakes that are like right lodged in your head are all in your mind audience doesn't know unless it's like a very Obvious Shruti Vedam or whatever, right? So I feel like as long as there is connection Then I'm I'm sorted I that's a win for me and when I don't feel that connection when I feel like I've lost I don't have them Here then it does bother me I I get really bothered when I can sense that someone's not into what I'm doing. Okay, so it does bother me Yeah, brilliant Almost at the end. 

Okay, as we wrap what are your final thoughts any final thoughts on what the essence of performance is? Oh, wow If there's one line it's if there's one line I feel a truly good performance is mastery of technique prior to your performance To an extent where you don't have to think about technique So technique or lyrics or all these tools that you're using consistently plays no role in your final output and you're able to be present and Deliver what feels true to you. This is brilliant. That is the essence of a performance to me. 

Okay, great Yeah, thank you so much for talking to me. This is like brilliant talk. Thank you. I had so much fun. Thank you


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